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Elizabeth Sandifer

Elizabeth Sandifer created Eruditorum Press. Sheโ€™s not really sure why she did that, and she apologizes for the inconvenience. She currently writes Last War in Albion, a history of the magical war between Alan Moore and Grant Morrison. She used to write TARDIS Eruditorum, a history of Britain told through the lens of a ropey sci-fi series. She also wrote Neoreaction a Basilisk, writes comics these days, and has ADHD so will probably just randomly write some other shit sooner or later. Support Elizabeth on Patreon.


  1. J Mairs
    September 10, 2014 @ 1:19 am

    That was…. different.


  2. Anton B
    September 10, 2014 @ 1:31 am

    You're full of surprises Doctor.

    I mean Dr.Sandifer but of course it applies to both. ๐Ÿ˜‰


  3. Frankenollie
    September 10, 2014 @ 1:43 am

    Wonderful. I realise this will probably be a one-off…but I'd love to see some kind of continuation, or something similar to this style.


  4. Alex Antonijevic
    September 10, 2014 @ 2:14 am

    That was really depressing in the same sort of way visiting a grandparent in a palliative care ward is depressing.


  5. Anton B
    September 10, 2014 @ 2:42 am

    This was a really enjoyable detour but may I critique? Sorry to nitpick, I loved this but it needs some proofreading e.g.

    “You’re,” Ms. Smith began when she was him, but he cut her off.

    The gag with the steering wheel would work better if you'd first established that it was the Curator who was driving. I had to reread that passage a couple of times to picture what was happening. Although the rhythm of the piece was, I suspect deliberately, uneven this was effective to create a sense of achronistic events but sometimes, for me, it worked against the poetry of the writing and became just a list of names and descriptions of what people were doing and thinking. Overall I think it suffers from a little too much canon referentiality at the expense of narrative style. Although, given the context and target readership that's forgivable.

    I loved the dialogue with "… I stopped counting years eight faces ago. Or I might have been lying. There was the Scottish one. And the Punch and Judy man. And Merlin… I don’t remember, really.” and the line about the coffee being 'journalist strong'. Are you going to develop this further or is it intended as a one-off?
    Sorry if that was too critical. I'm in fiction writing mode myself at the moment and, possibly some of the harshness I'm applying to my own work has bounced onto yours.


  6. Alan Moore
    September 10, 2014 @ 4:13 am

    Good story, but I have one nit to pick:

    "…pulling a bag full of candy from his pocket"

    I have never known anyone say 'candy' in the UK. We say 'sweets', as in sweet shop (candy store) or boiled sweets (hard candy) and so on. So your sentence should read:

    "…pulling a bag of sweets from his pocket"

    Unless, of course, you don't mind signposting that the story was written by an American.


  7. Jarl
    September 10, 2014 @ 4:23 am

    I wonder what colour the sweets are.


  8. Ombund
    September 10, 2014 @ 5:13 am

    That was really, really lovely. And suddenly I find myself wanting to follow the audio adventures of Professors Trelundar and Malone – those two would get on like a house on fire.


  9. Theonlyspiral
    September 10, 2014 @ 5:36 am

    I hope you're happy having made me cry at work.


  10. AndyRobot800
    September 10, 2014 @ 5:36 am

    Loved this. Nothing more to say. ๐Ÿ™‚


  11. Champiness
    September 10, 2014 @ 6:08 am

    So, you know how you mentioned on Tumblr that this didn't seem like a good fit for the books?
    What on Earth are you thinking?


  12. reservoirdogs
    September 10, 2014 @ 6:45 am

    And, of course, The Doctor found a way out of it.


  13. Ombund
    September 10, 2014 @ 6:47 am

    I completely agree. And it should come with a 'Secret of Alchemy' style explanatory essay to boot.


  14. inkdestroyedmybrush
    September 10, 2014 @ 8:49 am

    Wow, that really hit me this morning, listening to some old layne staley singing and doing artwork.

    I will fully have to admit that i know professor trelundar, but i'm missing who malone is.


  15. TheSmilingStallionInn
    September 10, 2014 @ 8:51 am



  16. J Mairs
    September 10, 2014 @ 8:52 am

    "I will fully have to admit that i know professor trelundar, but i'm missing who malone is."

    Spoilers! xx


  17. inkdestroyedmybrush
    September 10, 2014 @ 8:52 am

    ah yes, of course. the tears obscured my vision there.


  18. peeeeeeet
    September 10, 2014 @ 9:01 am

    Saving to read later but the first thing I notice:

    The dental clicks used in the Worldsphere (and, as far as I know, in Xhosa itself) are represented by !q, !x and !c – there's no !d.


  19. encyclops
    September 10, 2014 @ 12:38 pm

    More pls.


  20. Elizabeth Sandifer
    September 10, 2014 @ 1:01 pm



  21. Elizabeth Sandifer
    September 10, 2014 @ 1:02 pm

    Mainly that it's probably not a good idea to profit directly from this, even with all the 90s BBV-style name changes.


  22. Elizabeth Sandifer
    September 10, 2014 @ 1:07 pm

    I'm OK with this addition to canon.


  23. Elizabeth Sandifer
    September 10, 2014 @ 1:08 pm

    I don't think there's a lot of point in pretending I'm not American, no.


  24. Elizabeth Sandifer
    September 10, 2014 @ 1:08 pm

    Ombund – is there anything specific you're wondering?


  25. Prandeamus
    September 10, 2014 @ 1:40 pm

    Along the same lines, "gotten" is also not contemporary British English. You'll find it in the king James bible, and I know it's not a pure Americanism, but still…

    The piece: Nicely melancholic. Autumnal, even. Thank you.


  26. peeeeeeet
    September 10, 2014 @ 2:01 pm

    All right – are you going to tell us how it's pronounced? ๐Ÿ™‚


  27. reservoirdogs
    September 10, 2014 @ 3:03 pm

    Well, it is after all a better story.


  28. ferret
    September 10, 2014 @ 3:28 pm

    That was nice ๐Ÿ™‚


  29. Galadriel
    September 10, 2014 @ 4:56 pm

    That was one of the most beautiful tributes I've ever read. Thank you.


  30. Joe Bowers
    September 10, 2014 @ 5:40 pm

    Beautiful and perfect. Thank you.


  31. 5tephe
    September 10, 2014 @ 9:19 pm

    Gorgeous. Even if I only half get some of the references, I loved the tone of it all. And lovely to have posted it at this point in the project. Thanks.


  32. David Anderson
    September 11, 2014 @ 12:12 am

    Along those lines, Dorothée is a pretty good solution to the question of what Ms McShane calls herself among friends these days.


  33. John S. Hall
    September 11, 2014 @ 2:44 am

    Exquisite. Absolutely exquisite!!


  34. Jenda
    September 11, 2014 @ 3:53 am

    As an aside, I was a casual fan of the Game of Thrones programme on telly, which we all know is:

    – Often a Who's Who of Irish and UK actors I recognise from all sorts of indigenous productions and theatre works

    – Features a variety of different regional UK accents (happily) across its characters


    – Is softly based on the War of the Roses, with the serial numbers filed off and dragons etc. added in;

    Given this, it came as a complete surprise to me when I read the first book and one of their characters "fell on their ass" and I suddenly realised George RR Martin is an American! Took me right out of the book for a few minutes, it did!


  35. Daibhid C
    September 11, 2014 @ 4:50 am

    That was beautiful. And I'm intrigued by elements of the backstory, like "Professor Malone" being a former Lord President, or the People drone that shares a name with Kadiatu.


  36. Daibhid C
    September 11, 2014 @ 4:57 am

    And Lord President Vardelay, which I've only just worked out.


  37. Jack
    September 11, 2014 @ 6:39 am

    Ordinarily stories like this, where practically every line is a study in fanwank, fall utterly flat with me.

    This one, however, is perfectly lovely. I guess it's aided by the general melancholy around it, and the notion of just how many people would help the Doctor-I mean the Curator, I don't know why people keep doing that-in a time like this more than justifies the name drops. Well done, sir.


  38. Ombund
    September 11, 2014 @ 6:49 am

    Well, I think I got most of the references and I at least understood that several of the ones I didn’t come from the New Adventures side of things, but it’s more the case that I think there could be a nicely lyrical explanation of the games you’re playing with the Doctor Who mythos here and why you’re doing it. Similar to the Three Doctors explanatory essay, which explains things but also makes its own points as well. I was just thinking aloud really!

    Oh, there was one thing – who’s Lord President Vardelay?


  39. Theonlyspiral
    September 11, 2014 @ 6:52 am

    Could you help me with that one?


  40. Daibhid C
    September 11, 2014 @ 8:30 am

    It's an anagram.


  41. Daibhid C
    September 11, 2014 @ 8:36 am

    The confusion around the gag with the steering wheel struck me as deliberate – we're told Captain Boe has a look of horror on his face when the Curator turns to look at him, and then we learn why.


  42. encyclops
    September 11, 2014 @ 8:43 am

    "Lady Vera." It's a reference to the Doctor Who / Alice crossover episode in 1978, when Beth Howland helped the Doctor defeat a second Axon invasion using hot fry oil.


  43. ferret
    September 16, 2014 @ 2:23 pm

    He's very much like Sir Estram from "The King's Demons", but a different person as you'll see.

    I wonder if his true identity is as well hidden from the high council, or if they're complicit in his deception again…


  44. BerserkRL
    September 18, 2014 @ 10:08 pm

    No no, the character had a donkey, see ….


  45. Random Comments
    January 14, 2016 @ 8:44 pm

    This is absolutely lovely. Thank you.


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