Outside The Government: The Gift

So, I decided I wanted to fill in the ballot for Doctor Who Magazine‘s latest “rate all of the stories” poll. And unlike my “take them one at a time” reviews that I’d been posting as “this is not a review blog,” I figured here I should go ahead and create a normal distribution of ratings so that there were 24 stories with a 1, 24 with a 2, and so on.
And at that point, when you have stories in groups of 24, it’s not *that* hard to rank them within that. And once you’ve done that, well, you have something like this list of Doctor Who stories ranked in order of quality from worst to best. (For convenience, a double line break is employed whenever the numerical ranking increases by one.)
Now all I have to figure out is how to assign numerical values to the stories so as to strategically maximize the impact of my votes so as to try to get the final ranking in Doctor Who Magazine to match my own as much as possible. Number geeks – I encourage you to come up with schemes for assigning point values from 1-10. I suspect it’s going to be some frightfully elaborate scheme involving the results from the Mighty 200 poll a few years ago.
I of course make no guarantee that if I did this list again tomorrow it would be particularly similar, although I think my top and bottom ten are pretty solid.
In any case, the list.
The Celestial Toymaker
The Twin Dilemma
Warriors of the Deep
The Invisible Enemy
The Monster of Peladon
The Arc of Infinity
Death to the Daleks
Timelash
The Dominators
The Android Invasion
Attack of the Cybermen
The Keys of Marinus
The Lazarus Experiment
Night Terrors
Fear Her
Time and the Rani
Meglos
Underworld
The Power of Kroll
Destiny of the Daleks
Victory of the Daleks
Time Flight
The Mind of Evil
Daleks in Manhattan/Evolution of the Daleks
Four to Doomsday
The Leisure Hive
Revenge of the Cybermen
The Kings Demons
Planet of the Daleks
Planet of Fire
The Invasion of Time
The Time Monster
The Mark of the Rani
Curse of the Black Spot
The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood
Invasion of the Dinosaurs
The Chase
The Sontaran Stratagem/The Poison Sky
New Earth
The Ark
The TV Movie
Forty-Two
Mission to the Unknown
Silver Nemesis
The Idiot’s Lantern
Tomb of the Cybermen
Boom Town
Marco Polo
Resurrection of the Daleks
The Next Doctor
The Masque of Mandragora
The Power of Three
The Reign of Terror
The Space Pirates
Planet of the Dead
Black Orchid
The Nightmare of Eden
Dragonfire
The Hand of Fear
The Doctor’s Daughter
Inferno
Rise of the Cybermen/Age of Steel
Planet of Evil
Horns of Nimon
The Visitation
Terminus
The Seeds of Doom
The Sontaran Experiment
Trial of a Time Lord
The Long Game
Smith and Jones
Dalek Invasion of Earth
Voyage of the Damned
Earthshock
The Wedding of River Song
The Abominable Snowmen
The Doctor, The Widow, and the Wardrobe
Fury From the Deep
Let’s Kill Hitler
The War Machines
The Massacre
The Smugglers
Robot
The Unquiet Dead
The Highlanders
The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People
The Mutants
The Moonbase
The Daleks Masterplan
A Town Called Mercy
Dinosaurs on a Spaceship
Planet of the Spiders
The Sea Devils
The Runaway Bride
Amy’s Choice
The Daleks
Image of the Fendahl
The Wheel in Space
The Web of Fear
The Bells of Saint Johns
Nightmare in Silver
The Silurians
Journey to the Center of the TARDIS
The Androids of Tara
The Awakening
Castrovalva
Turn Left
Cold War
Tooth and Claw
The Daemons
The Creature From the Pit
The Two Doctors
The Stones of Blood
Battlefield
Day of the Daleks
Colony in Space
The Keeper of Traken
The Fires of Pompeii
Aliens of London/World War III
The Sensorites
Revelation of the Daleks
Planet of Giants
The Five Doctors
The End of the World
The Savages
The Beast Below
The Shakespeare Code
The Romans
The Underwater Menace
The Christmas Invasion
The Green Death
The Invasion
The Waters of Mars
The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit
Partners in Crime
State of Decay
The Time Warrior
Pyramids of Mars
Hide
Utopia/Sound of Drums/Last of the Time Lords
The Vampires of Venice
The Talons of Weng-Chiang
Closing Time
An Unearthly Child
Galaxy Four
The Claws of Axos
The Gunfighters
The Faceless Ones
The Crimson Horror
Frontier in Space
The Sunmakers
Delta and the Bannermen
The Myth Makers
Horror of Fang Rock
The Rings of Akhaten
The Krotons
Name of the Doctor
The Seeds of Death
Terror of the Autons
The Three Doctors
The Space Museum
The Angels Take Manhattan
Asylum of the Daleks
Full Circle
The Ice Warriors
The Greatest Show in the Galaxy
Father’s Day
The End of Time
The Aztecs
Mawdryn Undead
Midnight
Logopolis
The Pirate Planet
The Edge of Destruction
The Web Planet
The Crusade
Vengeance on Varos
Frontios
Warriors Gate
The Curse of Peladon
The Robots of Death
The Deadly Assassin
Paradise Towers
The Tenth Planet
Spearhead From Space
The War Games
Terror of the Zygons
Rose
The God Complex
The Unicorn and the Wasp
A Good Man Goes to War
The Happiness Patrol
A Christmas Carol
Snakedance
The Time Meddler
Ambassadors of Death
Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone
The Macra Terror
Vincent and the Doctor
Enlightenment
The Snowmen
The Face of Evil
Genesis of the Daleks
The Girl Who Waited
Human Nature/Family of Blood
The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End
Evil of the Daleks
The Lodger
Survival
School Reunion
Dalek
Kinda
Planet of the Ood
Day of the Doctor
Gridlock
Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead
Love and Monsters
The Eleventh Hour
The Rescue
The Mind Robber
The Ark in Space
The Enemy of the World
Ghost Light
The Brain of Morbius
Blink
Caves of Androzani
Carnival of Monsters
The Girl in the Fireplace
Army of Ghosts/Doomsday
Bad Wolf/Parting of the Ways
Time of the Doctor
The Ribos Operation
The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon
Remembrance of the Daleks
City of Death
The Doctor’s Wife
The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances
The Curse of Fenric
Power of the Daleks
The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang…
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Drip with me. |
Sorry that posts have been late the last two days. I’m having a rash of Blogger problems where things I tell to post instead save to draft and don’t publish. If you missed them, there was a Last War in Albion post on Thursday that contains a fantastically gratuitous visual gag (Figure 249) that I’ve been setting up over the course of a few posts, and for which there’s really no justification. (See also my three-post long parenthetical. Somebody stop me.)
And there was an altogether more normal post on Mona Lisa’s Revenge yesterday. Well, normal on my end. On The Sarah Jane Adventures‘ end, I’m not so sure.
Right. Your weekend update. Kickstarter stuff has one more day of work to do on it before I take it to the post office. My guess is Tuesday for the last day of work, and by Friday for the post office. After that I just have to edit the Soldeed video, get it to the backer so she can do what she will with it, and I’ll be ready to post a Year-In-Review of the writing business, since I think I owe a degree of transparency for how often I shake the cup.
Not long after that, there’ll be a fresh Kickstarter for a stretch of Last War in Albion, probably targeting about $2.5k and featuring mostly digital rewards. That will also include the occasionally mentioned Secret Project, which I will spoil is Doctor Who-related. If it succeeds, I’ll be able to stick to the current status quo of regular blogging for the next year or so.
Let’s see. I’m feeling like a music weekend. I’m terribly looking forward to Alex (co-author of the Flood book) having his new album out in early March. He’s under a new band name called Seeming, has samples including the phenomenal pair of album tracks “The Burial” (my wife’s favorite song at this moment) and “Everything Could Change” up at Soundcloud. Information about the album here. I’ll probably do some proper promotion for it in a week or two, like a nice juicy interview with the gentleman. I’ve heard most of the album at this point, and yeah. I recognize that I’m biased, as he’s one of my best friends, but holy fuck, it’s good.
What music are you caught up in right now? Links to YouTube videos with a few sentences rapturously describing how the song will blow me away are strongly invited. I may even get around to adding some, having discovered the music video for Bat for Lashes’ “Lillies” over a year after I was properly obsessed with the album. And I maintain that the CHVRCHES cover of “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” is a thing of outrageous beauty.
(Example: The start of the second verse of “Everything Could Change” is an absolutely fantastic moment in which the song declines to crescendo when it’s supposed to, instead deciding to be something altogether weirder and more disturbing than the synth-pop earworm the song keeps suggesting it could be.…
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Figure 247: The narrator of “The Reversible Man” sees his wife for the last time. (From “The Reversible Man,” written by Alan Moore, art by Mike White, in 2000 AD #308, 1983) |
A bit ago, someone gave me cause to write a brief thing about Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and particularly the way in which his character is handled after the moment he sexually assaults Buffy towards the end of Season Six
Here, for me, is the interesting thing about Spike. And I don’t think this is quite the reading that Whedon intended for Spike, but I think it’s close, and makes Spike an astonishing metaphor for rape culture and what it does. And, actually, the sort of approach to rape culture that could only really be pioneered by a feminist man, which interests me on several levels.
I mean, let’s be unambiguous here. Rape culture, as an idea and a critique, needed to be developed by women. Men are a support class in feminism, and this is as it should be. That’s the point. But equally, there are perspectives within the discussion that are both male and relevant. And I think the depiction of Spike is one of them.
The key thing, to me, about the bathroom rape scene is what Spike does next, which is to go on an extended quest for his soul. Because this ties into an important thematic narrative about vampires in Buffy, which is that they are true monsters. There are clearly shells of people wrapped up in them, but they’re explicitly irredeemable. Angel, somewhere or other, describes the demonic aspect of vampires as taking everything you are and twisting it, and fine, but let’s dig deeper here and note that the overall sense is that vampires are slaves to some external narrative about what vampires do.
Because it’s not just hunger in Buffy. It’s not just that vampires feed on innocents and have to. It’s not just temptation. These are the usual themes of vampire fiction, but Buffy mostly avoids them. Vampires in Buffy are visibly compelled into a larger narrative of evil deeds. They seem unable to resist becoming servants of powerful overlords with schemes for, at best, world domination, and at worst, things like the complete destruction of the planet. The state of soullessness means enslavement to a particular cultural narrative.
This is the recurring narrative for Spike. Even when he starts to redeem himself in Season Four, he’s redeemed by external force: by a chip in his brain that keeps him from indulging in the worst aspects of the narrative that his demon prescribes for him. It makes him less bad, but only in an instrumental way, in the same way that criminalizing rape sometimes locks predators up before they harm a second or third or fifth or twelfth person, but does fuck all to actually stop them from their first rape.
But somewhere in the course of his story, in looking in horror at what he’s done to Buffy, he changes. He rejects the narrative prescribed for him and seeks the power to write his own narrative. With Angel, the soul becomes a binary switch. Have one and you’re good, don’t have one and you’re not.…
It’s October 29th, 2009. Cheryl Cole is at number one, with Whitney Houston, Black Eyed Peas, Michael Buble, Jay-Z, and Robbie Williams also charting. In news, Morrissey collapses while performing “This Charming Man” in Swindon. Zine El Abine Ben Ali wins 90% of the votes in Tunisia and a five-year term of office, which seems like a sure bet that he’ll be around for ages. And footballer Marlon King is sacked from Wigan Athletic after a sexual assault conviction.
On television, meanwhile, we have The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith. The biggest thing about this story is, of course, that the Doctor is in it. That this is demonstrably the most important thing about it is also in many regards the fundamental challenge of it: how does one do an episode of a spin-off to Doctor Who that features the Doctor and not have it become a de facto episode of Doctor Who instead of an episode of The Sarah Jane Adventures.