Elizabeth Sandifer

And with the introductory sections done we finally get to things that at least two people voted for. This’ll be the last day to be overwhelmingly non-televised material as well. 

363: Doctor Who and the Fangs of Time (2 Point, 2 Non-Televised)

Wait, wasn’t this on yesterday’s list? Yes, briefly, until I noticed that in addition to the person who had entered the title as “Doctor Who and the Fangs of Doom” there was someone who’d voted for it correctly, meaning that it got two points and that I had to renumber half the damn entry. So this gets put last among the two-pointers because I now literally hate it more than anything that isn’t The Celestial Toymaker. 

362. Cuddlesome (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

One voter specified the Audio-Visuals version. While it would have been funny to put the story in the 120-way tie twice because of that, I didn’t.

361. They Say (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

Wack’d was sad yesterday that the bulk of his votes for stories by lyricwritesprose were in the big messy 121-way tie, so for the record, apparently “A Problem of Background,” “Boxing Day,” “Lies Told to Children,” and “See Ye Not That Bonny Road” are also good. (Addendum: Apparently Wack’d wasn’t one of the voters for this one.)

360. Because We Want To (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

I’d somehow never seen this before. It’s genuinely astonishing how much of the Russell T Davies era is accurately anticipated by it.

359: Borrowed Time (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

One vote specified that this was for the novel. The other didn’t, and there’s technically a comic story with the same title, but I’m going to guess they meant the novel too.

358: Fear of the Dark (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

357: The Feast of the Drowned (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

356: The Fourth Wall (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

Nobody specified whether they meant the Big Finish story or the comic story, but as I remember banging on to someone or other about how obvious an idea using the Boneless in comics was, I decided it gets to be the comics story.

355: The Red Lady (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

354: The Spectre of Lanyon Moor (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

353: The Two Masters (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

352: The Dead Line (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

351: The Cruel Sea (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

350: The Cold Equations (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

349: Legend of the Cybermen (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

348: Something Inside (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

347: The Last Doctor (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

346: The Council of Nicaea (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

345: The Church and the Crown (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

344: The Cabinet of Light (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

343: Sympathy for the Devil (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

342: Prisoner of the Daleks (2 Points, 2 Non-Televised)

I was more than slightly releived, when Googling for the link there, that I was wrong and this was not the Dalek porn thing, which is called Abducted by the Daleks.…

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Today we get the vast swath of the list that clocked in at exactly one point. The overwhelming majority of these are things that got exactly one vote, and indeed one vote off of the non-televised section. Indeed, if you want to jump straight to televised stuff, skip ahead to 382nd place. Also, I should admit that my tie-breaking ranking in these lower recesses of the charts is less careful than my adjudication of the larger extremes, generally based on mild whimsy. Which also brings us to the one tie of the poll – the one point non-televised stories that I was sufficiently unfamiliar with or indifferent to that I had no views whatsoever on what their order should be. But before that we have a one point non-televised story that I felt strongly should come in below all of them. 

626: Death Comes to Time (1 Point, 1 Non-Televised)

Yes, yes. I wish you’d thought to downvote it too. Which brings us to our tie.

507: 118-Way Tie (1 Point, 1 Non-Televised)

That’s a tie among A Good Dalek, A Groatsworth of Wit, A Problem of Background by Lyricwritesprose, Almost Perfect, Beautiful Freak, Born again, Boxing Day, Brave New Town, Children of the Revolution, City of the Damned, Cloud of Fear, Corner of the Eye, Cradle of the Snake, Crusade, Dead of Winter, Death And The Queen, Death Takes a Holiday, Death’s Deal, Deep Time, Devious, Doctor Who Quiz Book of Dinosaurs, Dreams of Empire, Ecce Medicus Donnaque!, Fade Away, Fall to Earth, Flight of the Darned, Gods and Monsters, Grand Theft Cosmos, Ground Zero, Hiccups, Jago & Litefoot: Beautiful Things , Kingdom of Silver/Keepsake, Lies Told to Children, Master of Spiders, Night of the Whisper, Night Thoughts, Nothing at the End of the Lane, Now or Therabouts, Oblivion, Only the Monstrous, Outrage of the Zygons, Paper Cuts, People Used to Dream About the Future, Picnic at Asgard, Pitter-Patter, Pull to Open, Pureblood, Revolution Man, Rise and Fall, Robot Gladiators (The K-9 series’ only appearance in the poll), Second Chances, See Ye Not That Bonny Road, Sisters of the Flame/ Vengeance of Morbius, Son Of The Dragon, Space in Dimensions Relative and Time, Survival of the Fittest, Technophobia, Terry Nation’s Dalek comics, That video of Phil playing Soldeed that was offered as a Kickstarter bonus, The 12 Doctors Play DDR, The Auton Stratagem, The Autonomy Bug, The Brood of Erys, The Claws of Santa, The Crossroads of Time, The Crystal Conundrum, The Cybermen, The Dalek Chronicles, The Dalek Factor, The Death of Death, The Demons of Red Lodge and Other Stories, The Doctor and the Dalek, The Doctor Trap, The Doomwood Curse, The Eleven, The Eleven-Day Empire / The Shadow Play, The Eleventh Doctor: Conversion, The Elixir of Doom, The End of the World (the Big Finish story, as opposed to the television one), The Golden Ones, The Hero of Three Faces, The House of the Dead, The Indestructible Man, The Last, The Last Day, The Last Dodo, The Last Post, The Lost Ones, The Monsters Inside, The Nameless City, The Never Was, The Pair o’ Docs Paradox, The Reaping, The Resurrection Casket, The Scapegoat, The Shadow Planet, The Ship of a Billion Years, The Sleep of Reason, The Sontaran Ordeal, The Stalker of Norfolk, The Stockbridge Showdown, The Tomorrow Windows, Infernal Devices, The Way through the Woods, The Weeping Angels of Mons, The Widow’s Assassin, The Worlds of Doctor Who, Things They Talked About in the Playground, Time Reaver, Trading Futures, Twice Upon a Timelord, UNIT: Extinction, Urgent Calls, Valhalla, Vampire of the Mind, We Are The Daleks, Wirrn Isle, and Yellow Fever And How to Cure It. As you’ve noticed, I’m not linking those for you.…

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Super Nintendo Project will be along later this week. But I’ll also be gradually rolling out the results of our anniversary poll over the course of the week. All told there are a total of 761 stories on the list, compiled from 380 ballots.  We kick off today with Colin Baker’s least favorite section of it, the stuff that got downvoted such that it finished with 0 or fewer points. Before we start, though, a note about tiebreaks. Basically, there are two that were applied. The first is “what got the most regular votes,” on the logic that a story with a broader base of people who like it enough to vote for it is more popular than one that got the same score on the back of first-place votes. This also means that at a given point tally the Marmite stories that got a lot of downvotes do better than the uncontroversial ones, and that televised stories generally do better than ones that got their point tallies mostly from the extra votes for non-televised stories. The second tiebreak is my personal preference, because it’s my site and that matters.

Right. On to the results. Today we’ll count up instead of down, finishing with your all-time most hated Doctor Who story. Which means that we start with the stories that broke even at zero points, upvoted and downvoted in equal proportion, and within that start with the most contestedly Marmite of the bunch. Which means that in 629th place is…

627: The Sound of Drums/Last of the Time Lords (0 Points, 1 First Place, 17 Downvotes)

628: Invasion of the Dinosaurs (0 Points, 1 Last Place, 3 Downvotes)

629: The Taking of Chelsea 426 (0 points, 1 Last Place, 1 Downvote)

630: Planet of Evil (0 Points, 1 Last Place)

631: Nightmare of Eden (0 Points, 3 Downvotes)

632: Revenge of the Cybermen (0 Points, 3 Downvotes)

633: The Keys of Marinus (0 Points, 3 Downvotes)

634: Colony in Space (0 Points, 2 Downvotes)

635: Into the Dalek (0 Points, 2 Downvotes)

636: The Underwater Menace (0 Points, 1 Downvote)

“I got an episode recovered for this?” 

637: Four to Doomsday (0 Points, 1 Downvote)

638: Planet of Fire (0 Points, 1 Downvote)

639: Engines of War (0 Points, 3 Non-Televised Votes, 1 Last Place)

640: Omega (0 Points, 1 Non-Televised, 1 Downvote)

641: The Stones of Venice (0 Points, 1 Non-Televised, 1 Downvote)

642: An Adventure in Space and Time (0 Points, 1 Non-Televised, 1 Downvote)

643: Dancing the Code (0 Points, 1 Non-Televised, 1 Downvote)

644: The Ghosts of N-Space (0 Points, 1 Non-Televised, 1 Downvote)

Next we have the only tfour televised stories to fail to get a single vote in any direction. Two are unsurprising given that they’re both completely missing, and another’s close to totally gone. One, on the other hand, is a frankly bizarre omission. But since it would be weird to have a list with four televised stories not included…

645: The Faceless Ones (0 Points, No Votes Whatsoever)

646: The Krotons (0 Points, No Votes Whatsoever)

647: The Savages (0 Points, No Votes Whatsoever)

648: The Smugglers (0 Points, No Votes Whatsoever)

Now we move on to the stuff that’s more hated than loved, starting with a story that came in 24th in Doctor Who Magazine‘s 50th Anniversary Poll.…

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Just a reminder that I’ll be turning off submissions for the Eruditorum Press Doctor Who Poll in twelve hours, so if you want to register your vote you should probably go do that.

Also, as we enter October and near the launch day for Class, it’s worth noting that the Eruditorum Press Patreon is still $16 shy of where I’ll be doing reviews of it. So if you’re not a supporter, now’s a great time to become one. …

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The Ultimates #11

A perfectly serviceable issue marred by two very big problems. The first is, as ever, Civil War II, which is still terrible and still forcing people to give utterly dreadful monologues. The second, as if not ever at least for the last couple issues, is the art-sharing, which this time switches back and forth every couple pages between two artists with radically different styles in the most distracting way imaginable. This could be a good book, by which I mean it’s a great time, a great premise, and a great writer. I really wish Marvel would let it be instead of whacking it in the kneecaps like this. 

Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur #11

A slightly disjointed issue that relies on Moon Girl being an idiot about several things in rapid succession for reasons that don’t feel particularly motivated. A sequence in which a supportive message from Ms. Marvel gets arbitrarily destroyed so that Moon Girl doesn’t get it is particularly grating in its clumsiness, but really the whole thing is just frustratingly inelegant. 

Snotgirl #3

First properly disappointing issue of this – Lottie’s aggressively awful nature ends up dominating the issue to the point where investing in much of anything within it is impossible, and the late-issue revelations are not so much revelations as incomprehensibilities to be explained later. Deeply alienating characters are fine. So is “I’ll explain later.” The combination is a tough sell. 

New Avengers #16

Al Ewing uses a nine-panel grid for a scene that consists almost entirely of Tippy-Toe talking to rats, with dialogue such as “neek… Neeek neek” and “chtt! Chitty chutt chtt!” As far as I’m concerned, this is Eisner-worthy, not least as the result is that the rats take militant strike action in the face of Squirrel Girl’s more socialist way of dealing with her vermin assistants. The rest of the book is good too. Only the fact that the cover contains a scene that does not happen or come close to happening disappoints.

Surgeon X #1

Karen Berger’s deservedly hyped return to comics is sharp and angry in the way that the best Vertigo work was, but falls a bit short of essential due to a tendency towards flatness. Sara Kenney’s dialogue doesn’t quite sparkle, John Watkiss’s art is capable but unremarkable, and there’s just not any moments where this kicks into high gear despite being long on potential. Adequate, in short, which is better than most comics, but not what you hope for from “edited by Karen Berger.” 

The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #12

Typical Squirrel Girl fun, including a pleasantly ridiculous new villain and the return of Brain Drain, which I’d call long-awaited if I’d actually remembered he was a thing that could appear in a comic book, but now that I remember he exists he’s utterly delightful in that Ryan North sort of way. 

Nighthawk #5

And sure enough, this is cancelled. Still brilliant though. I suppose it would be silly to jump in at #5, but this is getting a trade in January, and I really do recommend having a look at it, as it remains an absolutely essential bit of superhero comics in 2016. …

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First off, because I forgot to announce it last week due to going “oh shit it’s our one year anniversary I should do a thing,” there’s a new not-quite-a-Pex-Lives out, The Nattering II, featuring James talking with Jack, Daniel, Kit Power, Gene Mays, and Kim Karr. Get that here.

Second, there’s a week left to vote in the Eruditorum Press Doctor Who Poll. We’ve already got 296 entries (though I invalidated the one that voted for the TV Movie nineteen times followed by The Unicorn and the Wasp) and 706 separate stories in the tally (though there’s probably a few duplicates in there to clean up), but that can easily grow. And while first and last place are probably set in stone at this point, there’s still loads that’s close. Submit your vote here. Polls close at the end of September.…

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Seven to Eternity #1

A decent start to this – certainly Remender lacks the numerous irritating lapses in storytelling that mar a lot of Image #1s. This unfolds its premise well and keeps the focus tight so that it’s easy to invest in. There’s not necessarily a lot of interesting ideas to it, and Remender’s “explain the themes” tendency in the backmatter doesn’t do it any favors. But it’s got a nice visual style and is solidly written, and is worth checking out if it’s your thing. (In this case, one part Princess Mononoke, one part Weird West.)

Patsy Walker, AKA Hellat #10

A perfectly solid but mostly unremarkable issue. Nothing wrong with it, but nothing that particularly sparks as clever or insightful either. Just sort of there.

Britannia #1

Peter Milligan and Juan Jose Ryp is a plausibly attractive combination, and this weird fiction/Roman mystery story about Pagan Britain and Vestal Virgins is a good match for them. It doesn’t hit any heights of outright genius, but it’s at least Milligan in his “actually deserves the hype” mode, and Rubria, the chief Vestal Virgin, is an entertaining blend of enigma and practicality. I at least vaguely intend to buy the second issue of this, though we’ll see if I remember on the week. 

Karnak #5

The clouds part and another issue of this wanders out. This one involves turning the focus onto Karnak a bit instead of capsule form summaries of specualtive realism, and so ends up far more interesting than the last few. It’s Ellis in fine form doing a tense and mutual interrogation scene with some spectacular visuals from Roland Boschi to boot. The momentum of this has stalled hopelessly and Marvel’s larger problems with the Inhumans aren’t doing it any favors, but Ellis is clearly having fun, and that’s what really matters in life, no?

The Wicked + The Divine: 1831

I’d have this at the top of my list for the decision as to what god Blake was and the gloriously WicDiv variation of one of his most famous quotes alone. But on top of that it’s a brilliant use of the interstitial special as a format, adding thematic depth and new mysteries to the mix by dint of its variations on the series’ usual metaphors. Children, creatures, and monsters are all interesting concepts to have resonating around the series, and aren’t necessarily ones the 2014 setting was going to serve up. Stephanie Hans takes to the art like she owns it, feeling as perfectly suited to Romanticism as McKelvie is to pop. Simply phenomenal.…

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So it snuck up on us, but Eruditorum Press celebrated its first anniversary yesterday. Consider this the standard and deeply sincere post where I thank everybody – our original crew of Jack, Jane, Kevin, and James, the newer gang of Josh, Daniel, and Shana, and our Web Doll Anna. I couldn’t ask for a better team of weirdos to help me forensically diagnose the state of late capitalism via idiosyncratic pop culture thinkpieces. And thanks to the readers and commenters who make this such a fantastic community. It’s been an absolute pleasure running this site for the past year. I couldn’t be prouder of everyone, and I hope my stupid natterings don’t unduly lower the class of the joint.

I’ve got revelries, but first I want to do the obligatory cup-shake. The Eruditorum Press Patreon runneth low. I understand this – A Brief Treatise on the Rules of Thrones was unpopular to say the least. I’ve been bad at some Patron obligations like bonus posts. So I’ve restructured the Patreon a bit. Bonus posts are a thing of the past because apparently I suck at them. So here’s the new reward structure. At $1, you get a preview of Monday’s posts as close to a week early as I can manage. At $2 I’ll send you occasional short reviews of movies, books, and albums I listen to and like. Think 2-3 paragraphs a couple times a month on things that catch my fancy. And at $5 you get writers notes behind the scenes commentaries on major pieces. September’s were on “The Blind All-Seeing Eye of Gamergate.” There’ll be ones on Last War in Albion Volume 1, and “Theses on Trump” in October, as well as on new Last War in Albion chapters. (Which I have one of ready to go along with Volume 1 when it launches, which will be any week now – I just need to find a 2-3 day stretch to work on it basically.)

I’ve also added a goal at $300 per week whereby I’ll review Class episode by episode. 

Right. So now for the fun. We did a big Last War in Albion Twitter Tournament back in March (From Hell won), so as we near election season in America it’s clearly time for a Doctor Who one. So we’re proud to announce the Eruditorum Press Doctor Who Poll – our bid to codify the taste of whatever faction of Doctor Who fandom we represent. (The alt-frocks?) Anyway, here’s how we’re doing it. You’re going to name your personal top twenty Doctor Who stories. One of them you’ll designate your all-time favorite. That one will get five points. Your other nineteen will get one point. I’ll create a ranked list, with ties broken according to my personal preference because it’s my site. You do not have to offer a full list – as many stories as you like, up to twenty. But you do have to pick a favorite.

“Doctor Who Story” is defined however you like. For the sake of settling likely-to-arise issues when counting votes, there are a couple of Official Clarifications at the end of the post.…

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