AOL News ran a story this morning about a T-Mobile survey, asking “the public” (probably about seven people) which “personalities” they thought should be on the new UK money. Apparently, the top choices were Pippa Middleton and Alan Sugar, with Keira Knightly and Simon Cowell as runners-up.
I think these are great ideas. What could better express where our society is at?
Alan Sugar – an embarassing, thuggish, philistine, self-aggrandizing old shitsack, promoted as an idol by the media, a vaudeville capitalist mascot of a TV show that (along with many, many others) touts the virtues of the heroically self-interested utility-maximiser of neoliberal dogma – is a very good emblem of our society. That’s the fiver sorted.
Pippa Middleton, by association, represents the vacuous and monotonous contentless bibble that passes for public discourse, and the sexism of a media class of drooling middle aged letches slavering over young women. There’s the tenner for you.
Why not, instead of putting her face on the notes, put her arse on them. That’d be honest.
Let’s have Tony Blair on the notes, standing on top of a pile of dead Iraqis, his hands dripping blood, a wolfish smile on his face. That’d do the twenty nicely.
Then the fifty could be David Cameron bum-banging a public sector worker who has been tied up with lots of twisted-together copies of the Daily Mail.
And Simon Cowell could grace the pound coin instead of the Queen. He’s omnipresent anyway, so why not have his greasy visage jangling in every pocket? He – the incarnation of the smarmy, calculating, utterly insincere, ruthless, predatory, shit-flinging cultural vandal – is a much better representative of modern Britain than Elizabeth Windsor.