Eruditorum Press

Less the heroes of our stories than the villains of some other bastard’s

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Jack Graham

Jack Graham wrote about Doctor Who and Marxism, often at the same time. These days he co-hosts the I Don't Speak German podcast with Daniel Harper.Support Jack on Patreon.

4 Comments

  1. Evan Forman
    July 21, 2016 @ 12:06 pm

    This is good stuff, and I look forward to chapter two if/whenever you release it.

    (The use of ‘very’ in that first sentence actually works for me, it’s almost comically understated. If it simply must go, perhaps show the surprise through Iza’s actions (or lack thereof) rather than tell us about it. Which is a cliché square peg of advice, yes, and I remember you rightly dismissed it in a tumblr post before, but I’m not sure using a great and creepy image like that of the tide near the end would be the best option. To use the tide image itself would give this whole chapter a nice symmetry if you found a way to pull it off, but it might lose the one-two impact you’re going for in that first sentence.)

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  2. David Claughton
    July 21, 2016 @ 1:18 pm

    Yes, I enjoyed it. More please!

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  3. Richard Evans
    July 21, 2016 @ 11:50 pm

    Evan and David’s comments seconded (or thirded) here, that’s an instantly compelling and pacey opening. Hits the ground running, not an ounce of fat on it, begins weaving enigmas from the very first line, Loads of lovely detail: Ria’s extra frown on top of her usual one; Iza’s birthday memories, “The photo itself almost seemed hot”; sentient piles of pancakes, the right royal resonances, Victoria and Elizabeth, Catherine Howard and Marie Antoinette and King Henry VIII, ghosts, passing through the flame.
    Like the previous commenters, I’d be keen to read more of your fiction. This story becomes intriguing very quickly.

    Cheers Jack!
    .

    Reply

  4. Kit Power
    July 22, 2016 @ 12:21 pm

    Lovely work. Eager to read more.

    I didn’t find ‘very’ a stumbling block, but if you want a replacement, maybe ‘rather’ for an English understatement or, if you want to be a bit more hook-ey, how about ‘understandably’?

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