Don’t look at the future. We drew something awful on it.

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Jack Graham

Jack Graham writes and podcasts about culture and politics from a Gothic Marxist-Humanist perspective. He co-hosts the I Don't Speak German podcast with Daniel Harper. Support Jack on Patreon.


  1. Lovecraft In Brooklyn
    March 25, 2017 @ 2:53 am

    I know somebody who started an incredibly successful Star Wars burlesque franchise, The Empire Strips Back.


    • Jack Graham
      March 25, 2017 @ 9:33 am

      Those recruitment posters with pin-ups in Stormtrooper armor are another epiphenomenon of this kind.


  2. Dylan
    March 25, 2017 @ 11:45 am

    Well, now you’ve mentioned it, it’s a little weird that Leia says Luke’s too short to be a Stormtrooper when he rescues her, and yet his uniform seems to fit him pretty fucking perfectly. Or that he and Han don’t have helmet-hair when they take their helmets off.


    • Daibhid C
      March 25, 2017 @ 5:52 pm

      My theory: smart armour. It restructures itself to fit the person wearing it.

      I’m still working on why an army with strict height regulations/all identically sized clones would have such a thing, though…


      • Jack Graham
        March 25, 2017 @ 7:55 pm

        The Stormtrooper armor fits Han and Luke so well because Han and Luke are, unbeknown to them, rogue clones from the imperial hatcheries. Under the helmets, every single Stormtrooper in the original trilogy looks like either Han or Luke. This is because all Stormtroopers are grown from the DNA of Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala. Vader did this to make himself feel better. This, of course, means that Han and Luke are actually brothers, Which means Leia is Han’s sister too. Which might explain why Ben Solo came out so unstable.


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